Does it End?

Day 24 out of 76 in the hospital this year.  One-third of 2014 has been spent in Denver.  Away from family.  Away from my son's last full year at home.  Away from my husband.  Friends.  My dog.

One cant help but ask when will this all end?

Does it end?

Not really.  This side of heaven, there will be always some issue surfacing.  Some crisis around the corner or problem to wade through.

Jesus himself warned us, "In this world you will have trouble,"  John 16:33.  

      This is a sinful, fallen world.  We have illness.  We have disease.  We have sin and the consequences of that sin.  We have free-will and the consequences of our choices.  We have trouble.

But Jesus  doesn't leave us in that trouble.  He continues in the same verse, "But take heart!  Don't get discouraged!  Chin up!  Rejoice!  I have overcome the world!" 

    Okay, I added the superlatives.  But sometimes we need to read things in different ways to get a clear picture.  

Jesus did not want us to be bogged down in the muck of the world, but he wanted us to know that trouble exists.  Problems exists.

And He is greater!

Romans 12:12 lays out exactly what to do when trouble comes.

     "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."

Jesus Christ himself is our hope - he has overcome this world!

Patience in tribulation - this will not last!

Constant in Prayer - worry about nothing but pray about everything!  

Does it end?  Yes.  Eventually.  And until this - God is MORE THAN ENOUGH!

March Frustrations

Three days - Ashley will have the baclofen pump removed.

    Frustsration.  All the troubles.  The pain.  The two months it worked.

20 Days in Hospital - to date.

   

    Frustration.  I am away from home so much.  Our friends and famlies lives keep moving forward.  David's job goes forward.  Chris marches towards graduation.  And we sit in a hospital.

Blog - leave well enough alone!

    Frustration - now google and blogger have combined in a conspiracy specifically aimed at making my life more complicated!  Grrrr.

Okay - perspective.  It's the little things that drive us crazy when stressed.  When life is out of our control, we just want to have one thing we can count on!  Today, mine was blogger.com.  I just wanted to get on and manage some posts.  It has driven me crazy.  To a headache!  I want to throw something.  Even now, I"m posting through a backdoor app!  

Not in my control.

Truth - nothing really is except maybe our hairstyle.  That's why women will change their hair when stressed - we WILL control something!

Peace somes in CHOOSING to let that control issue fall from our hands. 

To quote Disney:

LET IT GO!

. . . and now it's February

January saw 5 days in the hospital.  Three ER visits.  

February 5 was surgery for a baclofen pump revision.  Back to Denver!  Dad drove us up and stayed.

That Wednesday, TEAM Ashley pulled together and over 90 people across the US wore purple - her favorite color and also the color for Pediatric Stroke Awareness (CHASA.org).  So cool!

Chris, Ruthie & Drew rockin' the Purple!

Surgery was long - 4.5 hours!  Re-opened both incision sites.  Changed the Catheter.  Flat on her back a total of 6 days!

Twice, we've been ready to go and something has gone wrong.

       Valentine's Flowers from Dad

May I add right here - seeing cerebral spinal fluid leaking from your child's back like a water fountain is a little disconcerting. And regardless of what the NeuroSurgeons may say, see a lump of spinal fluid on your child's back is scary.  They may tell me it's safe but I really don't like the idea of spinal leaking from my child and pooling in a pocket.  

Ashley has been quite the trooper - frustration to the point of tears only once.

It's been hard on our guys.  THe first week we were here, my dad and M2 stayed in Durango.  They were there in case we came home while David and Chris were in Chicago on a college trip.  When we were obviously not headed home, they went back to Phoenix.

David and Chris were at TIU last weekend for the University's Midnight Classic Soccer event.  They had fun.  Chris is already making friends!  It's so good to know he is going where Christ has called him!

Having Dad and Mike there was It good for David - he wasnt alone in the evenings -  and Chris was happy for meals!

Things are not easy.  Ever, it seems.  But chin up!

Tomorrow we are back into the OR for a procedure - a blood patch.  Under light anesthesia they will do a blood patch to hopefully seal her spine.  Another day down and then maybe home by Wednesday!  Whoot!!!!

Marilyn has been here every step.   You can't imagine how humbling it is for someone to tell you that God has called them to be your support.   To know they truly believe that God has called them to sit in a hospital, sleep on a couch, eat the same food day after day, night after night is something special.  God loves through people.

We've developed a daily schedule.  UP.  Bible Studies.  Straighten room.  Breakfast.  Reading.  Walking.  Movies.  Art.  Laughter.  Doctors.  Nurses.  --- all part of our day!

We look forward to the Pet Visits and tonight the DU Soccer Team is downstairs for an event.  We look forward to little things!  Coffee from outside the hospital.  Food, too.  Movie times.  

But we really look forward to going home!!!

Again.

2014 is off with a bang!

1/3 - Chris fell skiing so it was off to the er. Tore a ligament between two fingers!  

Me- forever to kick bronchitis 

Last Wednesday - abdominal pain around her pump, back pain and a growing lump on her bed led to a night with Ashley in the Durango ER and an early morning drive to Denver. Then 4.5 days in the hospital. 

Truly not up to posting details yet. 

Emotional exhaustion right now. 

I am sitting in a hot bath in a hotel across the street where we hope to rest before driving home in the morning. 

For a few days. 

To clean house. 

To organize school work. 

To make meals. 

To pack again. 

Then back to Denver for surgery to revise the catheter insertion. And more days on her back. And start again. 

I miss my husband. We agreed years ago that we would always do our best to assure each child had at least one parent. We've spent so many nights apart. 

I miss my son. His senior year. He's doing an internship at our church and I'm so proud of him. I've seen his office via FaceTime.  I miss our book discussions. And I miss making him eggs in the morning.   I am missing so much of his last year at home. 

I miss my dog. And my pillow and my coffee.  I miss choosing from more than two shirts and two pair of pants a day. I miss my giant tub and steam shower.  I miss cooking. 

I miss my cable tv. And computer and radio.  I miss my friends and just having lunch with them and talking ably God snd kids and dogs and husbands. 

I miss singing at church. I miss the piano. I miss music in my life.

I miss my family in Oklahoma. I miss my best friend. I miss my parents. And my aunties.  And my adopted aunt and uncle. I miss my Best Cousin. And Texaa cousins. 

I miss my daughter. That little cherub born 15.5 years ago. Who wanted to dance and be a cheerleader. Her giggles and sighs. Not her tears of pain. 

Some days I feel like I've missed my life while driving to and from and sitting in a doctors office or hospital room.  Or by the phone for test results. 

Or those rare occasions I let myself just sit on the floor and cry. 

Not a pity party. You know me too well. But my good friends know I am good at smiling. 

I don't want your pity. My pity. 

But it's truth.

Life can suck. 

And hurt. 

And you can't change it. 

Beach family rule #1 - Suck it up buttercup. 

Truth - I never miss God. 

He's always with me. 

I just wish he were with me at Home. Or Disney World. Or Hawaii. 

But mostly Home. 

Welcome 2014

Waiting. . . Christmas Eve 2013

Waiting

Christmas Eve is the perfect example of Waiting...

The pregnant Mary waiting to deliver.

The nervous Joseph waiting to see what it will be like to raise the Son of God.

The Shepherds waiting in the fields not expecting to see Angels.

The Wise Men waiting for a sign and then  beginning a journey without knowing what they will find.

Even today. . .

Children waiting to open presents.

Mothers waiting for the cookies to be done.

Dads waiting to put together surprise toys.

Relatives waiting for phone calls and long expected guests.

The world itself waits -

     long ago it waited for the Birth of the Christ.

     today it waits for His return.

Waiting. . .

                   . . . in HOPE.


The God of the Old Testament who fulfilled his promises so long ago, still keeps His Promises today. We can trust Him.

Wait in his HOPE today - the miracle of Christmas still lives!

Sitting In Hope

December 21!!

Really?

How did we get here?

Yes, I know the obvious - one minute at a time.  One breath.  One step.

But seriously?  I feel like it was November 15 just yesterday.

Maybe this loss of time is a good thing.  

Not that I've glossed over life but that I'm not bogged down with the minutia of all that has happened in the past 18 months.

But I am sitting here with my computer on my lap watching the snow fall and just knowing that there's peace.

I haven't really just SAT for months.  Well, I've been at soccer games - and took pictures.  I've been in hospital rooms - and planned the Holidays.    At my desk I've planned lessons, graded papers and answered mail.

This has not been a Martha-type busyness.  In fact, Martha gets a bad rap sometimes.  Her fault was in not taking time THAT DAY to sit.  But think - without Martha's in this world, no one eats, clothes are dirty and there is general Chaos.  Martha was made to be busy - but she forgot to take those days to SIT.

For 18 months I've had very few SIT days.  Not because of my own making - it's just been life.  But there have been those times when God has told me to SIT.

SIT.

Not even ready by Bible.

Not pray.

Not praise.

SIT!!

Clear my mind.  Just BE in HIS presence.

That is what has held me the past year and a half.  Through curve balls, living out of suitcases, facing fears, grieving loss and planning tomorrows, HIS presence has been my strength.

SIT today.  Be STILL.

SIT in HOPE that HE is GOD.

Surgery #12

WHAT A CRAZY SEASON!  I want every post to bring HOPE to someone.  Somewhere.  I hope this rundown of the past 2.5 months tells you this:  Yes, You CAN Do It!


Chris's Senior Soccer Season was so fun!

What fun senior pics by the amazing Carol!!

By November, he was accepted to Trinity International University to play soccer.  He and I traveled up there for a great week of visits.  Yes, I can drive in Chicago!

Ashley chose in August to have the Baclofen Pump implanted.

Surgery was Scheduled for November.

HOPE Deliveries was started.

People from 4 states donated items and money for gifts to give to caregivers and patients on the 6th floor Rehab and Neuro wing at Children's Hospital of Colorado.







I was invited to speak next April at the Mission Women Conference!  Ashley took head shots of me for the conference web site.  So fun!

We drove up a suburban full of fun things!!  The day before her surgery - We delivered.  We loved.  We held.  We laughed.  Amazing day of giving!

Then surgery day.  1pm became 4pm.  4pm became 7pm.  Surgery started at 8:30.  It was over at 11:30.  It was 1:30am before we were settled in the room.

Her hand reacted immediately to the baclofen.

We've decorated her room.  Watched movies.  Entertained her as she lay flat for 36hours!!

Therapy pets - her favorite visitors!

The letdown has hit today.

Like I have been holding my breathe since August 25th.

Tears will come suddenly.  Relief.  Fatigue maybe.  But all in Peace.

Thank you for all who have held us in prayer during this season.

Remember

Testimony Tuesday. . .


A day to remember.

Not reflect on your trials and heartaches, but on what God has done for you.

I believe God's hand is at work in every situation of every day but we fail to see Him.


              We call it fortune when it's actually provision.  

              We call it fate when it's God's perfect timing.

              We claim our planning over His Will.

              Near misses?  Our good luck.


God longs to show himself strong on our behalf - yet when he goes we fail to acknowledge him, not to mention give him Thanks!

Pray for God's eyes to see His Hand today.

Remember!  Write it down!  Share it with your friends and family!

TESTIFY!!!

In A Pit, A Den or A Dungeon

Where are you living today?

We have all "done time" in a situation we didn't like. It was uncomfortable.  Maybe it was of no fault of our own.   The smells, the sounds may have been unbearable at times.

The good news - God sees you!

Look at these guys:

Daniel
   In A Den
       Daniel 6:16, "So the king gave the order, and they brought Daniel and 
                               threw him into the lions’ den."

Jeremiah
    In A Pit
          Jeremiah 38:6, "Then took they Jeremiah, and cast him into the pit."


Paul and Silas
     In A Dungeon
           Acts 16:23, "After they had been severely flogged, they were thrown into prison."


Not the most pleasant of places.  Daniel was in the company of fierce lions who ate  men for their supper.  Jeremiah's pit was so wet he sank into the mud.  Paul and Silas were house in the inner cells where no light could penetrate the darkness.

But the were not alone!

The lion's mouths were closed.   Jeremiah's friends pulled him out.  Paul and Silas were released by an earthquake!

How different the story might have been if their attitudes had been different.  Instead of praying they gave way to despair.  Instead of singing they had a pity party.

Your circumstances are known to God.  He has not left you.  Never will!   Check your heart and look up!  The pit is where you are, not WHO you are!

Just like Paul and Silas, you will hear the words, "Release them!"  and out of the pit or dungeon you will come with head high and shouting the praises of God!

Monday, Monday

"How big is your God? Is He big enough to do anything, or are there limits (in your mind) to what God can do? What could you do today to begin to live with a bigger, better view of God?"

Batterson, Mark (2008-08-19). In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day (Kindle Locations 451-452). The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

How's that for a Monday morning question?

I read this Thursday night.  Before bed.  And for two days, I prayed, "God who are you?"

Not head knowledge - Creator, Redeemer, Savior.

I wanted some heart knowledge.  I craved for a picture of God that was out of my box.  Not created by me or my memory from artists' imaginations or Sunday School literature.

"Who Are You?  Who do you want me to see?"

In obedience, our Pastor Mark, shared Sunday during worship a word picture God had revealed to Him.  It was what I needed.  It was who God wanted me to see.

A Warrior God.  Fighting against the enemy on my behalf.  Defending me while I sleep.  Surrounding me while I walked down the street.  Sword drawn.  Daring the darkness to try and touch His precious Child!  

Safe.  So safe.  No weapon was going to harm me - it would not even come near me!  

God loves to reveal himself to us.  I am convinced more and more that he longs for us to see Him more in his fullness so that we may trust Him more.

He is not daunted by the question, "who are you?"  He loves it!  He wants us to ask!!

Do you dare?  Are you ready?  Are you willing to let God reveal himself to you today?

Ask Him!!

Let's Get this Straight!

Creative - I love the way our creative God speaks to us - some through nature;  some through fiction or movies;  some in visual arts;  ballet; and so often, music.

Tonight, the lyrics of a Mat Kearney song are ringing in my head:

   "Closer To Love"

She got the call today
One out of the gray
And when the smoke cleared
It took her breath away
She said she didn't believe
It could happen to me
I guess we're all one phone call from our knees

It has been one year and 8 days since Ashley had surgery on her left great toe.  It was a major one.  One hour became two then three then four. . .  problems getting the bones to align.  Use of crushed donor bone to put her toe together.  Then 3 hospital days.  Lung problems.  

But she came through yet again.  She couldn't dance last year which broke her heart.  The toe wasn't fusing.  We waited.  We've watched.

Then more xrays this month.  Send the xrays to Denver.  Wait.

And today the call came.

"Hi, Kim, this is Merritt!" 

We love Merritt.  She is Dr. Frank Chang's wonderful Hospital Wife.  She organizes him, schedules him, probably knows as much medicine as the students that darken the halls of Children's Hospital of Colorado.  She has laughed with us.  She has sat in the room with us and told us her wedding plans.  Brought us snacks and water when appointments went long.  And even cried with us when the news wasn't good.

"We got Ashley's xrays from Durango today.  Dr. Chang is here with me.  Do you have am minute to talk?"

Never.  Ever.  has Dr. Chang and Merritt talked to us at the same time.  

THUD.  sound of heart sinking.

"Sure," I said and grabbed a pencil and paper and headed to the kitchen table.  I knew I'd need to sit.

It seems the hardware in her toe has failed.  The joint did not fuse with the hardware.  The dystonia - uncontrolled movements - have wiggled the screw loose.  It has worked it's way out of the bone and is sitting under the skin just under her toe nail.  No wonder she hurts.

Options?  Wait.  Good shoes.  Wait.  Xrays.  Redo the the surgery.  Fix the dystonia with a Baclofen pump (but no guarantees there).  Bone stimulator but not sure that would make a difference at this point.  And - ready - amputation of great toe just past toe nail.

"Have Ashley call me anytime.  I will talk to her on the phone.  We will make decisions together."  Love that man.  Dr. Chang has been a God-send to us.  We pray for him alot.

Ashley and I sat at the table and talked.  She took the list of options to her room.  I went to my closet.  We both cried.  Then she came and found me and we cried together.

Then we went about our evening.

So let's get this straight.  Clear the air.  

Hope does not mean the absence of uncertainty.

Faith goes not mean you don't have questions.

The boat rocks,  the waves roll.  Lighting flashes and thunder booms.  

But my Anchor holds!

My Anchor knows the storm is there - He speaks to the wind.

My Anchor knows the pain involved - He feels for me.

But most importantly, He Has NEVER Let Me Go!!!

So get this straight!  God loves you!!!  He's got this!!!

Hang on!!!

And Stay in the Boat!!

The Concept of Chaos

I love the concept of a disciplined life.

A schedule.  Knowing what's going to happen when.

Up.  Bible.  Dress.  Pray some more.  Breakfast.  Kids.  Exercise.  School.  Read. . .

You get the picture.

Disciplined.  Stable.  Structured.  Predictable.  Unwavering.

~  Yeah, right.

A friend recently wrote me that she's "running every day now!."   I replied, "I brush my teeth every day."  But that seems about the most consistent thing I do on a routine.

My husband has a routine.  In fact, if you interrupt that routine, he's likely to forget something.  Several years ago, I had to be at work earlier than normal.  I entered the bathroom at a different point in his routine - he forgot to shave.  I through him off.  Adaptation is not one of his strengths.

Actually there are things I do every day, just not on a time schedule.  I go to God every day.  I read His Word every day.  I cook. I clean. I read.  I get dressed for bed.  I sleep.  And I start over.  Every day.

But mine is more Chaos than Structure.

"Order and disorder," said the Speaker, "they each have their beauty," wrote Orson S. Card in Speaker for the Dead.  That is my life!  Order and Disorder.  They live together.

2012-2013 was a Beautiful Chaos.  There was much Disorder but God was putting Order into in His way.  Multiple surgeries for Ashley.  Friends.  Business changes.  Moves.  Trips.  School.  Service.

Out of Chaos God creates.  He Creates.

Out of the Chaos of the Cosmos He created planets that spin in a precise orbit.  Stars that shine and moons that control sea tides thousands of miles away.  In the Chaos of humanity He brought a Savior to bring us Hope.

In the Chaos of our daily life, He desires to bring His order.  It may not look scheduled or regimented - but it's His.  Learning to listening to Him so that while folding laundry you pray for those wearer of those clothes.  When you reach for your favorite tea mug you pray for the precious friend who bought it for you.   During your morning routine, you praise Him for his creative creations.

That's God's Order.  That's His discipline.

His Concept of Chaos is Discipline through Obedience.

I like that.

God's Economics

I am constantly amazed by God’s provision.

 Not just in the economics of Finance – but in His economics.

We have seen God provided for the monetary needs time and again.  Bills paid on time when there seemed to be no money in the bank.  Food on the table.  Heat in the house.  That little extra we find in the budget that buys a pizza for a special meal.   God’s provisions are never late.  They may not always look or taste like we want – but they are there nonetheless.

 But God is more concerned at our Spiritual Status than our physical comforts.

 The Economics of the Spiritual

I was reminded last night about the importance of hiding God’s word in our hearts so that it’s there when we need it.   As a teenager, my dad would give me a quarter before leaving on a date.  It was to use the pay phone to call him.  Any time.  Anywhere.  No questions asked.  He’d come get me.  It was there as an insurance against the unthinkable.

 Memorizing Scriptures is much the same.

 

Psalms 119:11, “I have stored up (hidden, memorized, meditated on) your Word in my heart, that I might not sin against You.”

When I memorize, meditate, commit to my heart the Word of God, I am banking against hard times!  Like that quarter in my pocket, I have God inside of my heart for those “just in case” against the unthinkable.

Sundays are long days for us.  Yesterday began a 7:30 with a Prayer and Worship for Children’s Ministry Leaders.  I’m not a morning person.  Far from it.  I’d love to watch the sunrise – if it happened about 9:00 am every day.   Then we worked as a Greeter / Hallway Monitor and Security during 1^st service – 8:30 – 10:30.  The family that takes over for us had a sick child.  So, we greeted, monitored and secured during 2^nd service while popping in to worship, hear the sermon and loving on kids.  I picked the wrong day to wear heels!  Then it was home for a quick bite;  fold laundry;  put away yard stuff before the snows then back to church at 5:00pm to fix dinner for ReFrame (our young adult ministires – which we love!!!), worship service, bible study and then dinner and game night.

 

Whew.

Before the ReFrame service, I received one of those calls that folks with difficult family situations expect and dread.  Just another piece of the pie.  Another nail in the wall.  Nothing new.  But hurts all the same.

But in the God’s Economics of the Spiritual – I was ready.  In Worship that morning, I heard God repeating, “Heal” to me.  Not just physical but the spiritual and emotional.  I don’t remember the song, but one line kept repeating in my head, “I have found a Love.”   In Church, I was reminded of the Year of Jubilee – God has come to set us free!  In the afternoon, there was peace in sitting with my husband.  Just being in his arms.  Being loved.    At ReFrame, I was reminded, that I have a God’s word in Me!  It’s alive and living and it binds up the broken hearted!  In Worship, I wept as God poured His healing in my wounded heart.  I served those young people with gladness. 

Their hugs were payment back into my Economics of Love account!

 I am reminded of Matthew 6:8, “for your Father knows what you need before you even ask Him!”

He knew what I would need yesterday.

 

And He has today covered.

 

And my Tomorrow is banked as well.

 

Invest in His Spiritual Economics Today!  Every Day! 

 

The rewards are great!

What Does the Lord Require?

When walking through tough times, it's easy to get too focused on the problem.

It starts out as ground fog in front of us.  Then we watch it, talk about it, talk to it until it grows into a giant storm cloud.  Soon, we are standing in the middle of the maelstorm and our very breath is being sucked from our existence.

Admittedly, there are times, when we just wake up in the middle of a storm not of our own making but we are forced to live there.

That happened to Jesus.

Jesus had been teaching and walking and helping people all day.  He was tired.  He got in the boat and went to sleep.

We read in Matthew 8:24, "Suddenly, a fierce storm struck the lake, with waves breaking into the boat. But Jesus was sleeping."

Storm raging.  Master sleeping.  He wakes up - what is going on!!??!!!

His disciples were scared!  They woke him up!  They pleaded, "save us!"

Jesus woke up, looked around and spoke to the storm, "Be still."

Verse 26 says, "there was a great calm."

Not a slight subsiding of waves.  Or a decreased in thunder.  But a GREAT CALM!

The disciples were focused on the storm.  The waves.  The POTENTIAL for calamity.

Jesus spoke to the storm.

He spoke to their fear.

"Be still."

In the midst of hospitals and diagnosis and death and pain and suffering;  worries of medical bills, medications and monthly payments;  when family members are clammering and the din of discension overwhelms you with a crashing cacophony of sound, speak to your storm, "Be Still."

Be Still.

To the storm - but mostly to you.

Be Still - rest in God's word - hide yourself in His promises!

Be Still - he's got this!

Waiting

Never have tears come so easily. This is the 12th time I have put a child in an operating room. The 10th time for Ashley.

There are tears of relief that this could possibly be the last surgery.

There are tears of grief for all she has been through.

There are tears of dread for the psi that awaits her post operatively.

Tears of fatigue.

Tears of release.

And so we wait.

Expectantly. That the Lord will perfect his work in her today. That he will be our shield and strong tower. That our God is mighty to save today.

Sitting in Hope

On August 20 I finished a 30 day printed media fast - no newspapers, magazines or books.  Hard for someone who looks forward to the daily paper, reads Newsweek and Time magazines from cover-to-cover; devours Christianity Today each month and loves to read most every genre of literature ever imagined.

The hardest day to abide by this fast was Ashley's surgery day - August 8.  I usually grab magazines or occupy myself with a book during the endless wait.  

Two hours.  That was the scheduled time for this operation.  I could do it.

Two hours became four and a half.  

My Four Hour Waiting Room View

But by not burying myself in a book, I was able to share Jesus through Ashley's story two times.  

By not numbing my pain with distraction, I was forced to face it, go through it and learn again of God's faithfulness.

When walking the hallways both day and night, I was able to pray for those around me.  To be present.  See pain.  Give Hope.

The view did not change for 3 days, but my viewpoint has bettered in the past 30!

When escaping into a world of books, movies, drugs, alcohol - whatever your favorite distraction - we rob ourselves of feeling emotions - the good and the bad - and receiving the Hope God wishes to bring us.

Ashley goes for surgery again on August 30 - this time in Durango, CO.  For her hand.  Her second hand surgery.  I'm not looking forward to her pain or the wait.  But I am looking forward to seeing where God uses us this time!

Oops

That would be RUN for the prize but train in Integrity!

Hope for Today

We returned yesterday from 3 days in Children's Hospital of Colorado - 3 days, 4 hours, 15 minutes to be exact.

It was surgery #9 for Ashley.

And may I say it was full of excitement. Nothing went smoothly. Longer surgery, hospital problems, med problems, breathing stuff, personnel complications, house keeping issues - you name it, we battled it.

When asked how I would rate the trip, I said A+. We made it through successfully! Sharing Jesus in waiting rooms, with nurses, with each other.

Before you enter a battle, you must decide what you want to look like when it is over.

Like an athlete - envision the end result. Victory. A gold medal. A smile. A gracious loss even.

What do you want them to say about you when the race is over?

For this is a race! A contest. And the enemy of your soul wishes to distract you while you are racing. To make you so focused on the hurdle in front of you that you cannot see the finish line.

"Run in such a way to win the prize,". We learned this in sports camp. Rub for the prize but train in integrity.

Growth

Growth hurts.  Asking any kid who is experiencing those nasty growing pains.

Ask any child who has pins in a bone to prevent growth.

The same is true with Christ.  In fact, often what we experience in the physical has a corresponding lesson in the spiritual!

We recently had a Sports Camp / VBS in our community.  I taught the Bible lessons each night.  And it wasn't a week I wanted to be teaching Bible lessons - extended family issues, physical issues, spiritual issues - you name it!- were in play.

Basically, any area that I had ever had an issue or insecurity about in my entire life was gutted open.

"Only you (Jesus) can turn me inside out," the children sang each night.  And that's what I felt like.  Inside out.

Gutted.

Growth.  Some things were truth, some things were chaff.  Some things were God and some where man.  Some things were me and some things were other peoples, well, things.

My sweet Daughter-on-Loan prayed for me to accept those things God had and to let the others things, issues, words fade away.

The pains of growth are real.  They are fact.  But they are revealing a greater good in me.  Often they happen in times when the enemy throws everything he can at you to distract you from the potential the situation has for you.

Stay in the fire.  Face it.  The pain won't last and the growth is good!