Tuesday, January 21, 2014


2014 is off with a bang!

1/3 - Chris fell skiing so it was off to the er. Tore a ligament between two fingers!  

Me- forever to kick bronchitis 

Last Wednesday - abdominal pain around her pump, back pain and a growing lump on her bed led to a night with Ashley in the Durango ER and an early morning drive to Denver. Then 4.5 days in the hospital. 

Truly not up to posting details yet. 

Emotional exhaustion right now. 

I am sitting in a hot bath in a hotel across the street where we hope to rest before driving home in the morning. 

For a few days. 

To clean house. 

To organize school work. 

To make meals. 

To pack again. 

Then back to Denver for surgery to revise the catheter insertion. And more days on her back. And start again. 

I miss my husband. We agreed years ago that we would always do our best to assure each child had at least one parent. We've spent so many nights apart. 

I miss my son. His senior year. He's doing an internship at our church and I'm so proud of him. I've seen his office via FaceTime.  I miss our book discussions. And I miss making him eggs in the morning.   I am missing so much of his last year at home. 

I miss my dog. And my pillow and my coffee.  I miss choosing from more than two shirts and two pair of pants a day. I miss my giant tub and steam shower.  I miss cooking. 

I miss my cable tv. And computer and radio.  I miss my friends and just having lunch with them and talking ably God snd kids and dogs and husbands. 

I miss singing at church. I miss the piano. I miss music in my life.

I miss my family in Oklahoma. I miss my best friend. I miss my parents. And my aunties.  And my adopted aunt and uncle. I miss my Best Cousin. And Texaa cousins. 

I miss my daughter. That little cherub born 15.5 years ago. Who wanted to dance and be a cheerleader. Her giggles and sighs. Not her tears of pain. 

Some days I feel like I've missed my life while driving to and from and sitting in a doctors office or hospital room.  Or by the phone for test results. 

Or those rare occasions I let myself just sit on the floor and cry. 

Not a pity party. You know me too well. But my good friends know I am good at smiling. 

I don't want your pity. My pity. 

But it's truth.

Life can suck. 

And hurt. 

And you can't change it. 

Beach family rule #1 - Suck it up buttercup. 

Truth - I never miss God. 

He's always with me. 

I just wish he were with me at Home. Or Disney World. Or Hawaii. 

But mostly Home.