Creative - I love the way our creative God speaks to us - some through nature; some through fiction or movies; some in visual arts; ballet; and so often, music.
Tonight, the lyrics of a Mat Kearney song are ringing in my head:
"Closer To Love"
She got the call today One out of the gray And when the smoke cleared It took her breath away She said she didn't believe It could happen to me I guess we're all one phone call from our knees
It has been one year and 8 days since Ashley had surgery on her left great toe. It was a major one. One hour became two then three then four. . . problems getting the bones to align. Use of crushed donor bone to put her toe together. Then 3 hospital days. Lung problems.
But she came through yet again. She couldn't dance last year which broke her heart. The toe wasn't fusing. We waited. We've watched.
Then more xrays this month. Send the xrays to Denver. Wait.
And today the call came.
"Hi, Kim, this is Merritt!"
We love Merritt. She is Dr. Frank Chang's wonderful Hospital Wife. She organizes him, schedules him, probably knows as much medicine as the students that darken the halls of Children's Hospital of Colorado. She has laughed with us. She has sat in the room with us and told us her wedding plans. Brought us snacks and water when appointments went long. And even cried with us when the news wasn't good.
"We got Ashley's xrays from Durango today. Dr. Chang is here with me. Do you have am minute to talk?"
Never. Ever. has Dr. Chang and Merritt talked to us at the same time.
THUD. sound of heart sinking.
"Sure," I said and grabbed a pencil and paper and headed to the kitchen table. I knew I'd need to sit.
It seems the hardware in her toe has failed. The joint did not fuse with the hardware. The dystonia - uncontrolled movements - have wiggled the screw loose. It has worked it's way out of the bone and is sitting under the skin just under her toe nail. No wonder she hurts.
Options? Wait. Good shoes. Wait. Xrays. Redo the the surgery. Fix the dystonia with a Baclofen pump (but no guarantees there). Bone stimulator but not sure that would make a difference at this point. And - ready - amputation of great toe just past toe nail.
"Have Ashley call me anytime. I will talk to her on the phone. We will make decisions together." Love that man. Dr. Chang has been a God-send to us. We pray for him alot.
Ashley and I sat at the table and talked. She took the list of options to her room. I went to my closet. We both cried. Then she came and found me and we cried together.
Then we went about our evening.
So let's get this straight. Clear the air.
Hope does not mean the absence of uncertainty.
Faith goes not mean you don't have questions.
The boat rocks, the waves roll. Lighting flashes and thunder booms.
But my Anchor holds!
My Anchor knows the storm is there - He speaks to the wind.
My Anchor knows the pain involved - He feels for me.
But most importantly, He Has NEVER Let Me Go!!!
So get this straight! God loves you!!! He's got this!!!